4th of July, British Style

This year the 4th of July was a truly interesting one.
After a day of shopping, I set the video camera on the table and let it run while India sat in her high chair. The next couple of minutes turned out to be some of the best ever! Here is India asking for her Aunt Gaby and her Omi. Here she shows off her spelling and counting skills and finally here she lets you know her true priorities, her Mom and Cheese!
Rach and I had that truly rarest of rare treats, a night out without kids. Some friends in the village invited us around. They even decorated the table with American flags! The weather was great, the food fantastic and the company was brilliant. And to top it off, we walked there, so no worries about who was driving!
Weather has been great for the past week, so that makes us very nervous. We always expect the worst from weather in the UK!
Next 17 days will be hectic. Rach's birthday is the 16th, last day of school is the 17th, Jak's birthday is the 22nd and then we fly out on the 23rd!

A heat wave in the UK and a new family movie

We are enjoying a rare sustained heat wave in the UK, which means more than one day of sunshine and heat. I guess it is time to get that Air Con fixed!
Here is a link to a new family movie. Rach and kids are having a water hose fight at Rach's parent's house.
We are just 3 weeks away from a well deserved family trip!
Tom Kennedy finally makes it to the UK on July 10th. Seeing him in London for a meal and a drink.
Otherwise, lots to do, as Gaby and Luis arrive in the UK the day after we get back from Santorini.
India is growing so fast, singing complete four line songs, on the path to being potty trained and moving about at lightning speed.
Jak has The Twelfth Night as his school play. He has already learned all his lines. Amazing that a year 5 child can learn Shakespeare! It is this Friday. Video to follow, of course!
Finally found Catch 22 on audiobook and am listening to it now. I think every other American person read it in school. Not sure what happened, but I never did!

New India Video

Have just posted a video of India with Rach and grandma and grandad building a tower at home.
Amazing that she can already do this at 20 months, but the funny bit near the end is something you can't script!

Children's Views on Love and Marriage (I couldn't resist posting this!)

Rach sent me this today, it is fabulous. We all had a good laugh in the office.

The humour lies in the truth!

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (Written by kids)

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
- Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don't want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
(1) When they're rich. (wise child)
- Pam, age 7

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- Curt, age 7

(3) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

(1) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

(1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favourite is........


HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
- Ricky, age 10

I'm back

It has been almost two months since i last posted. I have never posted so frequently as I did during the time that Carmine was sick and then passed away. Posting so often during that time makes posting over "day to day" type stuff quite meaningless. Or so I thought. Then I realised that my family is part of that "day to day" stuff. In the last two months lots has happened with us, so here goes.
FOOTBALL
I went back to Germany in late April and spent some time in Herzo and at an American Football tournament in near Frankfurt. Saw Tom Kennedy, Schaiky, Peter, Martin and Frank. Then spent the night at Joe's, saw Rita and Joe, Bobby, Nicole and their kids. It was a quick but good trip. Sebastian had to work over the weekend, so he couldn't come to the tournament.
OUR KIDS
India is now 20 months old, here is a new video, very short, that I shot and edited today. I would tell you how she has changed over the last two months, but each day deserves a paragraph of its own. Every day, she sings a new song, brings out a new sentence, and the list goes on.
I will be filming all three of the kids in the next week. Jak is about to take a really important keyboard test that could see him being rewarded for his talent. He has already been singled out at school for his academic and musical talent to be fast tracked.
Elena went home to see her mother over the last school break at the end of May. She is doing better both at home and at school.
Sebastian went into the hospital this morning with kidney stones. He was there for for about 5 hours before being sent home. They are hoping he will pass them. Anyone who has been through the process knows that is a double edged sword as both optinos are painful!
RACH
Rach and I spent a few childless days at the end of May and it reminded us how much we need that time. Only 17 more years to wait until we are on our own again!
MOM IN HOUSTON
I went back to Houston for just over a week as Mom had another foot surgery. I got the easy part, after Mike, Susan and Katrina had her just after the surgery. By the time I got there, she was quite mobile and on the road to recovery. Yesterday, she finally got the cast off and now has a walking boot on the foot. It was a reconstructive surgery, so they have to teach her foot how to walk again, as all of the muscles and tendons are in places they don't belong. It will be a long, difficult road to recovery. I think it will be a lot longer than she thinks before she walks again. I know how difficult that is going to be on Mom, particularly as she lives alone in an apartment on the second floor without an elevator!
THE FUTURE
Now looking ahead, Gaby and Luis are coming back to see us early to mid August! Gaby and Luis arrive in the UK a day after our family gets back from Santorini from our summer holiday. Two weeks of blazing sun and black beaches. Rach's parents are having their 70th birthday party two days after we get back and it looks like there will be a few surprise visitors!
On a final note, Rach and I thought about going away one of the next two weekends and one of the places we looked was Rome. Went to www.lastminute.com and looked for a flight and hotel. The hotel they offered was Trilussa, the name of Carmine's restaurant in Bonn. I had never heard that name before then and this is the only other connection to the name I have ever seen. You never stop thinking about the people who pass on, you just alternate between sadness they are gone and quick smiles when the good old days enter your mind.

Houston (wrote this post over a month ago!)

I am in Houston right now, as my mother has had her third foot surgery in just over a year. I am here for just over a week.
My brother had her at his house for over two weeks (during which time she had an ice pump hooked up to her foot that had to be changed every three hours!).
The trip to my brother, his wife and daughter's house has definitely been the silver lining of mom's illness. She will cherish those two weeks forever. And Katrina, everyone that ever steps into mom's house has now seen every picture of you that she has!
I have made some interesting obversations on this trip.

1) Mother's Day was last Sunday. On that morning, I went into Walgreens (Kennedy, it is a pharmacy like Henkel, so that your German self will have a frame of reference) to get some lightbulbs. As I walked past the greeting cards row at 10 am, there were 12 men searching frantically through the Mother's Day cards.

2) Watched the 2nd half of the Rockets game at a pub next door to my mothers house. During the first timeout, the couple in their 60's next to me both pulled out their blackberries and began texting or emailing. Not a sound to each other, but frantically typing. They finished typing just as the timeout was over and the game resumed.

3) Best part of the trip was when Rach sent me 18 pictures of the family over the weekend. Great to be 5,000 miles away and see what your family is up to over the weekend before the weekend is even over! Here are a couple of those pictures.











Worst part of the trip has been seeing my sisters husband, now in his late fifties. His 17 year old son is in prison, his own health has detoriorated to the point that he cannot walk any more, and late last December, his house was robbed. He was in it, along with his twin 13-year-old boys. They all had guns placed at the back of their head while all of their valuables were stolen.

The Things Your Friends Teach Your Children

As parents, we are always worried about our children making a good impression when they meet adults for the first time. We spend hours telling them to say "please", "thank you" etc. What we never think about is that those adults may actually be the ones who are teaching our children the types of behaviour we would never want them to have.
During our recent trip to Germany for Carmine's funeral, Rach, India and I went to dinner with Olaf and Melanie. We had a really enjoyable evening and Olaf and India had a great time. He took the time to teach her a few things, such as:



India is now walking, I would even say attempting to run, she is talking (a lot!)and is showing a cleverness that most of you will say must come from her mother!

Here is a short video of her motoring around our back yard (or back garden for the Brits) looking for Easter Eggs on Easter Sunday.

I am back to Germany on the 25th of April for a flag football tournament in Frankfurt and then on to Herzo and a short trip to see my old friends at the Blaue Traube.

The Kings of Bonn

This is a post that I never intended to write. Listening to Harald’s speech at Carmine’s funeral last week brought back a lot of memories of the year and a half that I worked for Carmine at Bellini’s.

Back in 1991, I was living in Houston, as I had all of my life to that point. A friend of mine from Bonn, Germany was living in Houston at that time. She told me a lot of stories about her home city. Most of the stories were about the different bars in the city, and their owners and the people that worked there. I didn’t think much about it, as Bonn was another world to me and I had no frame of reference. I just thought she was exaggerating a bit and that there were a few bars in Bonn and that was it. Three names kept being discussed, Harald Grunert, Carmine and Ekram. There were all quite strange names to me, as there aren’t too many Texans with any of those names.

Unexpectedly, I moved to Bonn at the end of 1991 and as everyone knows, started to work for Carmine. Within a couple of weeks of moving there, I also found out who Harald Grunert and Ekram were. I also found out about Friedl Drautzburg (not too many of those in Texas either!) Hansi from Apfel, Alex from Rheinlust ,Lutz from die Falle, Sandro, Francesco, and some other people whose names I cannot remember (owners of Gesindehaus, Café Spitz, other Poppelsdorf Kneipen). It was also the people who worked in their bars who people knew by name. Everyone in Bonn knew Anja at Carmine's. She was always there and knew more people (and their secrets!) than anyone else in Bonn.

In the year and a half that I lived there, I came to realize that those bar owners were more or less the owners of the city. They were the “kings” of Bonn, not the politicians who were leaving to go to Berlin. The talk of the city was who owned what bar and who was buying what bar, or which bar had closed down and where that owner would now be the new bartender. The owners of the bars would also make sure that they were seen at each others bar. Working at Carmine’s place, Bellini’s, you hoped the place would be really busy if Harald walked in, or if Alex from the Rheinlust stopped by for a drink. You knew there were two reasons he was stopping by, 1) to be seen and 2) to see which bars were busy.

There was a ritual to follow, depending on the day of the week it was and the weather outside. If it was not summer, then you started at Apfel or Gesindehaus or one of the other Sudstadt or Poppelsdorf bars, made your way to Bellini’s by about 10pm. Starting at about 2 a.m. you moved on, if it was Wednesday, Friday or Saturday, you went to die Falle, if not, then you went to Grunerts. If the weather was nice outside, then you started the evening at the Rheinlust, stayed there til 11 pm, then went to Bellini’s and on to die Falle or Grunert’s. During the day, you had to be seen having a Café Latte at Café Spitz. On Friday or Saturday nights, you had dinner at one of Sandro’s restaurants (Baffo or Valtolina’s in Godesberg) or you went to Duisdorf (what was the name of the Italian place there?) or to the Spanish place (again, forgot the name of it?).

When I worked at Bellini’s (Carmine's picture is the one just below here), we were one of the last bars in the city to close, with 3am being closing time for us. About once a month, Carmine would say that we were going to another bar to 1) be seen and 2) see if they were busy. It was usually Grunert’s, as most of the other places were already closed.
The culture that existed in Bonn during those days was unlike any I have ever seen in my life. The bar owners were larger than life. Everyone in Bonn between the ages of 17 and 50 knew Carmine’s voice (read the “leserkommentar” from rallef67),
Alex from Rheinlust’s car, and the businessman Harald’s ability to create news.

Thinking about those days also got me to looking up some of the people in the article. The most interesting was Harald’s Grunert’s website, great media articles from those days and the pictures that you see throughout this article all come from Harald’s site. Harald, what a brilliant site! Harald, also found that you had been quoted in one of the UK's biggest newspapers, the Independent.

A lot of the “Bonner Kings” of the late 1980’s early 1990’s were at Carmine’s funeral last week. It was fitting that they would show up to help bury one of their own. Harald gave one the best speeches ever, bringing back those days in a clarity that was amazing. The Kings were responsible for a way of life, an attitude that the young people of Bonn were honoured to be a part of. You identified yourself by the owner of the bar you went to, “We are meeting at Hansi’s at 8, then walking over to listen to Carmine’s voice and finishing up later at Harald’s place”, that would have been a typical description of those days.

Harald, Friedl and Carmine ended up in Berlin with the StaeV, Staendige Vertretung www.staev.de. They now have them all over Germany. Anyone who lived in Bonn during the late 80’s and early 90’s will always go into a StaeV, if they are in a city that has one. It is as close to those days where the bar owners were the kings of the city as anyone will get today, but a piece of nostalgia nonetheless.

As of February 27th, 2009, there is one less Bonner King left in the world. If you make it to a city that has a StaeV, have a Koelsch and toast Carmine. In the image below here, that is Harald with Carmine and Hiltrude (with her arm around Carmine).

Carmine and the Fantastic Five

I always thought that there were three groups of people that you liked in life: 1) acquaintances, 2) friends 3) more than friends (you only get two of these, a best friend and your wife or husband). At yesterday’s Bonn funeral ceremony for Carmine, I learned that Carmine was luckier than most of us. He had lots of acquaintances, a lot of friends and then he had five people who put their own lives on hold to make the last months of his life better. Hiltrude, Armando, Renato, Sandro and Harald all put their lives and the lives of their own families on hold for the past five months. This post is about what they did for Carmine when he needed them most.

I have to start with Armando. He is the one that I have known the longest. He has spent the last five months travelling back and forth between Bonn and Berlin. Having seen Bartolomeo go through a difficult illness, Armando knew that the road ahead for Carmine was going to be difficult. While people such as myself called to check on Carmine every couple of weeks, Armando turned his life upside down, both his work and private life. He also helped keep the communication lines open between Carmine and his family and friends. I think the thing that I most admired about Armando during the two days I was in Berlin early in Carmine’s illness was that he did everything for him. He cooked, he cleaned, he was the doctor, he was the nurse, he was the psychologist, he was the assistant, and most importantly, he was Carmine’s friend. At a time when fear and uncertainty must have been constant in Carmine’s mind, Armando was a source of certainty and caring.

Renato is the one of the five that I met the last. I met him in 2004 in Berlin. Last year, he sold his own restaurant and was not working at the time that Carmine’s illness was confirmed as cancer. Renato already knew that Carmine was sick, as he had already begun taking care of him. During Carmine’s stay in the hospital, Renato visited him every day, bringing food, clothes and whatever else Carmine needed. In late October, as Carmine returned home, Renato (who lives in the apartment just above Carmine) was there almost continuously. While the other almost permanent people such as Armando had to attempt to live their normal lives, Renato made Carmine’s illness his normal life. He also took the most abuse from Carmine, as he struggled to come to terms with what was happening to him. But Renato, just as the others mentioned here, was not worried about he was being treated. He was only worried that Carmine should be as comfortable as possible during his struggle. He cooked, cleaned, helped the visitors that were a constant at Carmine’s, answered the phone and generally dedicated his life to Carmine for at least six months.

Hiltrude, I cannot pretend to know what you went through with Carmine. I was not there when you were. I can only be amazed at what a wonderful person you must be to have gone through all of this with your own husband nine years ago and to then be so strong and do it all again for Carmine. Somehow, I knew it would be you who would be there on the day that Carmine passed away. I think you were probably the toughest of them all. Your family must also be amazing to stand by your side as you rushed off to Berlin to help a dying friend. My heart hurt for you as I watched you at the funeral in Bonn. I knew that your hurt was a much deeper one that most of us were feeling.

Harald, it was fitting that you would be the one to give the speech at the funeral yesterday. You spoke from your heart and everyone who was there was felt personally a part of at least one part of your speech. The way you took us all through the 50 years of Carmine’s life was both painful and uplifting. Carmine’s life was a full one and if I had forgotten that, your words reminded of everything Carmine has meant to so many people. I only visited Carmine twice during his illness, but both times you were there, at the hospital and at his house. Even though you were his boss, it was you who worked for Carmine the last 5 months. You took on all the hospital issues, doctor issues, and paperwork issues. The book that you created after Carmine’s death will always be a part of a lot of people’s lives. Never have I seen a more touching way to remember someone that we will all never forget. I would like to scan the book in and show it in a future post if you are OK with that.

Sandro, I know that you were always there, either on the phone or in person. It reminded me of when Trilussa was not doing so well. You were always there with an offer to help. Even though I don’t speak Italian, I knew that you were doing everything you could back in 1996-1997 to help make Trilussa a success. You proved that again yesterday. I had not seen you in ten years and it was you who took Rachel and me to the airport, after you had all of the guests from the funeral back to your restaurant for food and drink at your expense. I am sure that a 28-year friendship will be impossible to replace in your heart.

While we might all think that we have great friends who will always be there for us, it is only when life gets to its darkest moments that we find out. Carmine, when your darkest 5 months arrived, you had those friends. The five of them each did more than most of us will ever do for anyone in our lives. They did it on their own and they did it together. For a man without a wife, without children and whose own family was far away in Rome, you could never have expected to have the love and caring that was shown you. I will always consider myself a friend of Carmine’s, and I know that I will think about him often. But, I will also always know that there was a world of difference from what I did for him when he was ill and what those five people did. May the rest of us be so lucky to have just one person who will show the level of dedication and love that Renato, Armando, Harald, Hiltrude and Sandro showed him those final months.

I know there were also other people in Berlin who dedicated large amounts of their time to Carmine near the end. I know there are several such people from StaeV that I don’t know by name, as well as Friedl. I am sorry if I have not mentioned you here. That is completely my mistake, as I was not there myself at the end.

March 23rd

Rach, India and I will be traveling to Bonn this weekend. Carmine's ashes will be interned on Monday, March 23rd in Bonn, right next to his closest friend Bartolomeo. We will be seeing Olaf on Sunday and spending a day looking around the first city outside of Texas that I ever lived in. On Sunday, we will stop at what used to be Bar Bellini, the first place Carmine owned in Bonn and at what was once Trilussa, the second restaurant he owned in Bonn.
Monday at 1 pm is the ceremony. Then back to Sandro's new restaurant in Tannenbusch. We are flying back to the UK on Monday evening.
Trips down memory lane are always bittersweet, as they simultaneously remind you of what once was and what will never be. You are constantly faced with the "what if" questions, rarely with the "what might still become" ones.
I am sad that David in Canada will not be there to share the trip with us. His relationship with Carmine was one that Carmine talked about often. I think it was that Carmine saw a lot of his life in that of David's father. David's father moved from Italy to Canada in his youth and has forged and maintained close ties to the local Italian community in Canada throughout his life there. Carmine has done the same in Germany, integrating himself fully into the German community, mastering the language, culture, history, etc., but always making it clear that his heart was 10)% Italian, sharing the closest secrets and deepest friendships with fellow Italians living in Germany.
Anyway, I am glad that Rach has been able to get the day off and go with me. Sharing a part of your past that is so closely tied to the person you are today can only truly be experienced first hand. That is part of what we will do this weekend.
But, I have a feeling that this weekend is one that can be logistically planned, but not emotionally. I am sure I will come back to this space and let you know what I think, if you want to hear it or not.

Finding Friends and Retracing steps

A long time ago, I mentioned here that I was looking for several people that I had lost touch with over the years. After I put that post up, I found two of those people, Dierk in California I went out and found and the other person found me. I assume they "googled" themselves (who hasn't done it?) and found me that way.

Anyway, I have since found another of the people from long, long ago. David Adame, a college roommate of mine. Coming from Houston, I thought I knew mexican food. Then I spent some time with David and his family in McAllen, Texas and found out what real Mexican food was. His dad would set up the grill, grab a six pack of beer and magic, both the fajitas and the six pack would be done at the same time! Things didn't end so positively for us 20 years ago, so I haven't reached out yet. Nothing drastic, just nothing to make us keep in touch at that time in our lives. I guess before the web came about, you would have just let it go and never contacted them again, or at most called directory assistance in the city they lived and hoped they still lived there and that they were listed. If that wasn't the case, you gave up.

I was curious to see if I could find David, and he is now running his own software company in Denver. Based on the fact that we attended the University of Texas in Austin, I would never have found him, as Denver would not have been a place that I would have looked. Amazing that we can find out where people live, what their jobs are and so much more without ever corresponding with them.

With Carmine passing away, I am probably more likely to drop David an email. Death does that to you, makes everything more urgent. Speaking of Carmine, Armando sent me an email that over 200 people attended the funeral in Berlin, including Carmine’s mother and two sisters, as well as his 14-year old niece. Carmine and I saw her as a baby when we went to Rome together in December 1994. We drove through Rome discussing the upcoming Eagles Reunited Tour and their Hell Freezes Over CD. He was just about to open his new restaurant and I was moving back to Europe, this time for good. The world seemed full of opportunities and uncertainty. Only the opportunities seem to be disappearing.
Carmine’s ashes will be interred in Bonn in the next ten days and Rach and I will be going. It will be in Bonn, a place that I spent almost 6 years in the 1990’s. It will be the first time that Rach and I are visiting together. The circumstances of our visit ensure that it will not be the joyous stroll down memory lane that you hope life will offer you.
Final note on my last post, Rach and I watched Cinema Paradiso, all 167 minutes. It was fantastic. As one might expect, we both saw Carmine everywhere, even places he wasn’t.

Carmine Memorial Service(s)

Today is Friday, March 6th. One week ago, Carmine left us. Today is a memorial in Berlin at the Staendige Vertretung, the Berlin restaurant that Carmine has managed for the better part of the last ten years. The restaurant will be closing for the better part of the day for the get together. Many of the people there will feel as though the restaurant has closed forever without Carmine. I have been there to see him quite often and always went to the restaurant. I went there for two reasons, one being that I liked the place a lot and the other being that Carmine was always there, morning, day and night.
Carmine has chosen to have his ashes interred and then will be placed in Bonn next to his best friend, who passed away a few years ago. A ceremony to intern the ashes will take place in the coming weeks in Bonn.
Way back when I met Carmine, there were four of them, Bartolomeo, Armando, Sandro and Carmine. They were all in their late twenties, early thirties, 999% Italian, 1% German (well, maybe not Armando, as he spent a good portion of his childhood in Germany). To be around them was to be at the center of the party. They were all from different parts of Italy and all fluent in German. They were all in the restaurant business and had all worked together in more than one restaurant. When you saw them work together, it was like watching people who could read each other's thoughts and anticipate each other's actions. It was non stop chatter in Italian, loads of laughter and lots of fast paced working. That was baptism into the world of Italy, in Bonn, Germany. It was actually in Carmine and Sandro's restaurant, Bellini's. We were open until 3 am 6 nights a week. The owners and workers from Italian restaurants, bars and cafes from around Bonn would all meet at Bellini's after their places closed. So from 11 pm until 3 am, the language was 60% Italian and 40% German. As the Italians are louder, more animated and speak a lot faster, it felt like 90-10!
Bartolomeo passed away a few years ago after a long illness. I remember the pain Carmine went through at that time. I have never seen him suffer like that. I can only imagine what it felt like for Sandro and Armando to watch their friend suffer. When I visited Carmine in October last year, I remember thinking about how difficult this must all be for Armando. He is in his forties and has already lost two of his dearest friends in the world. He never seemed bitter about it, just dedicated to making sure that he did everything possible to make the rest of Carmine's life as comfortable as possible. The same can be said of Renato, Carmine's neighbour and Hiltrude. Hiltrude is Bartolomeo's wife. The courage to be there for someone who is suffering and certain to die in the next weeks is hard on anyone, but it must have been agonising for Hiltrude who lost her husband to similar circumstances at a very young age. But she put on a brave face. In fact, she was the one that called me two hours after he passed away to let me know that Carmine was gone. Armando also called that night. Both of them continuing what they had done throughout Carmine's illness, taking care of things, making sure everything was done.

Marcelo is Carmine's cousin in Argentina. He got in contact with me to let me know that Carmine had passed away. When I responded to him, he sent back the most amazing email. His pain that Carmine was gone was evident in his email, as was his surprise. Carmine did not want to burden people that could not visit, so he never let Marcelo know how serious things were. Marcelo, I am attaching two of the pictures you sent here, hope that is OK!



People have gotten in contact with me from all phases of Carmine's life. Thomas, a former colleague at adidas, reminded me of the World Cup Match that Carmine and I went to during the 2006 World Cup. It was Germany v. Ecuador in Berlin. Carmine was the only person in our section openly cheering for Ecuador.
Petra, I hope that Carmine knew that you still cared. He was a nostalgic person and remembered all of the people who's live he influenced and who influenced his life.



I will close this post with a very fond memory I have of Carmine. On several occasions, he would tell me about the influence that Cinema Paradiso, an Italian movie, had on his life. He would describe the story of a boy who spent his days in the cinema, obsessed with how the cinema worked, and of his friendship with the old man who ran the cinema. I never saw the movie, but I also felt the movie was Carmine connecting to his childhood and his love of cinema and of the simplicity of his life as a child in Rome. Carmine loved Robert DeNiro and owned almost every DeNiro movie in the original English version, not because his English was very good, but because he only wanted to hear his favourite star's voice, not the dubbed over Italian or German versions. Anyway, today I bought Cinema Paradiso and I will sit down and watch it in the next week. The way Carmine talked about the movie, I assumed it was made in the 50's or 60's. Only today did I find out it was made in the late 80's when Carmine was already 30 and set in Germany. It was him reliving his childhood more than I could have ever imagined.
I will be in Bonn for the second memorial service and hope that I see some of the people's lives that were a part of Carmine's.

A sad day

Carmine Bellini passed away last night at 6 pm German time in Berlin.

He suffered through 6 months of confirmed lung cancer and at least a year of discomfort before they finally found out what was wrong.

He was a great friend and someone that I have been close to for over 17 years. Life doesn't give you many friends like that and I will miss him more than he ever would have known.

I am told that he was surrounded by loved ones from the restaurant that he managed, as well as friends from Bonn.

Thank you to all of you who have already sent your best wishes.

I have posted two videos of my last two visits to Berlin, back in October, 2008.

Here are the links, NOTE: password is needed, it is Bellini for both videos 1) at home, October 31/November 1 and 2) at the hospital, October 16th .

He was very brave and knew exactly what he was about to go through when I saw him in the hospital. His words in the second video will always haunt me.

HELP! I am in deep trouble!

Rach, the kids and I went away for a fabulous holiday in Wales last week. Went away for 3 nights, stayed right on the coast and unbelievably, the weather was fantastic. Wait, let me explain what fantastic weather in the UK means, 1) We saw the sun, 2) Rain did NOT make up the majority of the time, and 3) the temperature was above 5 celcius or 40 fahrenheit most of the time. OK, so I exaggerate. The sun shined most of the time, the wind was not too bad and we had fabulous sunrises and sunsets. It was one of the best holidays of my life and the kids spent most of their time discovering rock pools, collecting shells, fishing for crabs and basically discovering life without the Nintendo.
Drove back yesterday and we were all in a pretty good place. Pushed play on the answering machine and the world caved in. My mother had foot surgery just over a year ago and it has been a disaster. A year on, and she has lost most mobility in her foot. So, she has been forced to accept another surgery on it. She is 69 years old and very worried that it will never heal and that her walking days are over. To make matter worse, she lives in an upstairs apartment without an elevator. She has spent a lot of the past year sliding up and down stairs.
Now back to the answering machine: she told me just before the new year that she would require further surgery and that she was very worried about who would help her out and look after her. The doctors told her that she wouldn't be able to put any pressure on the foot for at least six weeks, probably longer. My sister Gaby has sold her house in Houston and is moving to truly greener pastures, a magnificent house near Austin. Gaby's moving date was the 25th of February. My aunt is coming to stay with my mom for the first week after her surgery, leaving on the 25th of February. So, the 25th of February gets stuck in my little brain, and I begin to confuse the dates. The 25th of February begins to mean everything associated with mom's foot. But, the surgery was actually scheduled for the 18th! Not only did I not call on the 17th or 18th, but, as we were away until yesterday, I did not call until the 22nd.No one answered, so I left a message. As you can imagine, mom didn't call me back.
Gaby had tried to reach me and be a good sister to let me know I was getting deeper and deeper in the dog house, but phones and blackberries were off.
Worse yet (or is this actually better?), the surgery did not go ahead, as my mom's potassium levels were too high. So, my aunt came up for nothing and is not sure she will be able to make the 3 hour journey again. Within a couple of weeks, they will test the potassium levels and schedule a new date for the surgery. By then, Gaby will have moved to her new palace. Only time will tell if mom is talking to me again by then. Needless to say, I am not looking forward to our next phone call.
Any grovelling advice welcome!
More on the great holiday, including the most fabulous pictures my wife has ever taken in the next post. This post is about trying to survive!

Valentine's Day Surprises

At 16 months, India has decided it is time she starts walking! Yes, you guessed it, that means more videos!
Here is the latest video of India walking.

A wonderful Valentine's Day surprise. Well, OK, she has been walking for almost a week, but sounds better when Valentine's Day is her first day of walking.

India's due date was 9 months after Valentine's Day, so the day has always held a special place in her life.

My dad was born on Valentine's Day 1928. He would have been 81 today. He died in 1987. He would have loved his youngest granddaughter.